11 years ago

11 years ago yesterday I lost my father to cancer. A typical an all to common thing these days for so many people I know. No matter how many people I know that hurt in the same way I have, it doesn't change my pain and how deep it still runs 11 years later...

There is a lot I can remember and as much that has become blurry and faded over the years like an old photograph torn and distorted at the edges from time.

My Nana was staying with us after my Dad came home through hospice. She is my Mother's Mother but you wouldn't know it by her relationship with my father. He loved her... and she him. The visiting nurses showed up the first day and all you heard was my dad's voice echoing through the house "BETTY BETTY" Betty was the only nurse that would care for him from that moment until his last 7 days later.

The night of March 10th around 11:30pm my Grandmother went downstairs to the room where Dad was sleeping. He was covered in a maroon blanket and his breathing now so shallow every breath was from his throat. She knew the fight was ending and Dad had lost. She went to find my Mother. "It's time Debbie" Nana muttered. Oh how many times she must have muttered those exact words to my Mom over the years. Getting ready for school and telling her it was time before the bus would go whizzing by. Here was a Mother helping her daughter lose what was closest to her... how do you survive that?

I was 18 when my dad passed away. I felt so unlucky for so long and always asked - why me? I have learned over the last 11 years that having a Dad I cam remember and love for 18 years is better than what a lot of people get. I also got a Mom strong enough to survive a woman's worst nightmare.

So here I am on solid ground 11 years later saying Thank you... To my Nana for being there, my Mom for being strong enough and My Dad for giving me memories to hold onto forever...