Empty Spaces

My Dear Sweet Nephews,

I have been wanting to write you this letter for many weeks now but my emotions seem to keep getting in the way of my words. It was this morning when someone said”life is to short” that it really came to me, life is too short for all of us. Even when we die old and peaceful and in our big bed surrounded by our beautiful family, even then life is to short but when I think about you both, who I never got to hold or enjoy or watch live, for the two of you the “too soon” was tragically so.

I am left, no your entire family is left with only the thoughts of what could have and should have been. Some days these feelings and thoughts make me feel so full of emotion it spills over me with tears. Other days the same emotions leave me feeling so empty and hollow in the very same space. I tell myself that everything happens for a reason but I think about you both and all the ways you were supposed to complete us and I think there is no good reason for this. Grief is funny like that. Right when you think you are going to be ok and make sense of it all, you realize nothing; just nothing will ever make sense or be ok about what has happened. But your family, we are strong and we will survive this, we must as we have no other options or choice. But you must know that we have a space for you here on earth. My children float balloons to you every chance they get and every time the wind blows the right way I close my eyes and imagine you are blowing me a kiss.

I will never see you take your first steps, or remind you that I am your favorite Auntie. I will never see you kick a soccer ball or watch you graduate high school but I will always love you both. You will always be a part of who I am and I will always carry the thought of you with me. Your Auntie loves you both so very much and know I am here on earth, we are all here and you will always be a part of us. Your hearts are not beating but my heart beats for you both.

Much love,

Auntie