I Love you. Bye

The older I get the harder it is to remember the little details of my childhood. My sisters and my playroom with the rust colored carpet and the knobs on the TV that would turn the dial to our favorite shows like Saved By the Bell, Punky Brewster and the Brady Bunch. One thing still clear in my mind is hot summer vacation days. My sisters and I would play school, watch TV, play outside alone or with the neighborhood kids or just hang out on the swing set in the backyard. Approximately once a day my Dad would call to talk to my Mom. I never wondered why but I assume now it was to check to see if her sanity was still in place considering it is a long summer with three children at home...

I remember racing for the phone (usually in the ten o'clock hour) and hearing my Dad's voice on the other end. He would ask me how my day was going before I would hand the phone off....he ended every conversation with "I love you. Bye." When I first started answering the phone and he would say that it caught me off guard but after a few conversations we settled into a routine. Sometimes I would even try to beat him to it and say the famous phrase first.

This phrase became regualr to me. When I went to college and my Mom would call or I would call her, our converstaions always ended with an "I love you. Bye." I started using it with my sisters and Grandmother then years later my Aunt and anyone else I talked to that meant the world to me. Anyone that if that conversation with me was their last one ever, they would remmebr my last words to them.

When my father was home through hospice I had a chance to say good-bye. He came home to die and lasted only a week before that happened. A day or two before he passed I rememebr going in and sitting with him. So many people had been in and out of the house that week this was one of the first times I had a moment alone with him. I was young and was not sure how to act around my dyeing father. I brought in my cd player and played him Butterfly Kisses. (This is a song Dad and I had already decided would be the song we danced to at my wedding). I remember just sitting there lost for words staring at his yellow tinted skin, watching his chest move with force trying so hard for every breath. I said nothing.... What was their to say? When the song ended I stood up unplugged the cd player . I kissed his forehead and whispered to him "I love you. Bye" and left the room.... that is the last thing I said.