Nothing is Perfect

I know that nothing is perfect...

If you had told me that at age 5, 10 or even 15 I would not have believed you. I would have told you that you are jaded and that you should be more optimistic. This would have made you smile becasue up to that point I did believe that life could be perfect. In fact I had proof...

I would have told you to look at my parents... Yes they fought, but they were perfect. The way my mom stacked the items in my dad's grease stained blue and white lunchbox. The way he kissed her good-bye and hello and most of all the way they made one another smile. I would have referenced my sisters. My older sisters ability to make friends, apply make up and talk on the phone to boys. She was so perfect it hurt in my gut sometimes. I would have told you to take a peek at my baby's sisters perfectly written homework assignment or her nicely organized book bag. I would have stated a case that made me feel like I had proven the point because to me, back then, life was perfect...

I can not say that my view on life changed at any particular moment but somewhere between age 15 and 29 I have come to realize without a doubt life is far from perfect. I would welcome a 15 year old to challenge me to this. And I might not even argue with them because thinking of the 15 year old version of me is rather refreshing. I remember always rushing to grow up and my Mother telling me "slow down." I know now what she meant...

During my childhood a broken heart was being called "four eyes". As a grown up a broken heart was losing my first love. Having him call me at work and tell me it's over and canceling a wedding that I thought was the beginning of forever . As a child it made me sad to think about how snoopy was lost during the Charlie Brown special 'Snoopy Come Home.' As an adult it makes me sad to think my Dad will never meet my children. He will never hold them or caress their small fingers and toes. As a child I was scared of the dark. As an adult I am scared of death or even more so, not living... As a child fresh popped popcorn or going to see a movie made me happy as an adult paying all my bills without having to dip into our savings account makes me happy.

Life changes, things change and I realize that but what I would give to return to the days where things were simply...perfect...