I Will always Miss You and Never Forget You.

It wasn't until today that I realized I let his birthday just past by like any other day. I didn't buy myself a present. I didn't even shed a tear. Has it become so normal for me to let November 18th come and go and not take that extra second to think about him a little more than I do every day?

But today was different. A package was mailed today to my current home. It was addressed to him, my father. It read "Mr. Terry Keefe". It was from the well-known Marlboro cigarette company. I have recently become married and I am no longer living at my mother's home. How did this arrive at my house, on a day so close to his birthday. No one by the name Keefe lives here, and I grew up in a near by town. Was it the fact that cancer had killed him almost 11 years ago and he is receiving a package so close to the date of his birth? I looked at the bright red box that reminded me of a brilliant lip stick color. In small black letters it stated "To be removed from the Marlboro mailing list, call 1-800-558-8666". I am quite sure my father will not be calling. I flip the box over. In a white box it reveals significant information. "SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health." I rip open the package with anger. I flip open the top and 2 shiny dice are revealed. "THESE ARE YOUR BIG DICE. Let the good times roll and have a HAPPY BIRTHDAY, from your friends at MARLBORO."

That statement confuses me. There was no happy birthday. There was no birthday at all. How ironic it is that Marlboro tobacco company has decided to send all smokers of their cigarettes, dead or alive, a pair of dice with a booklet filled with fun games to play. Games of chance. Some will win, many will lose.

Well I refuse to play that game. I have lost so much already to those who smoke. Its one of the many choices that one makes that can either eliminate or significantly increase one's own risk of cancer. However those who die are not the only one's that lose. Their families suffer greatly. I have seen families fall apart at the diagnosis of cancer. I have felt that suffering. I have lived through the sorrow and everyday miss the fact I will no longer see my father I miss so much. I never got the picture of us before my proms, I never called him from college and I feel like I didn't tell him enough how much I loved him. He never reclined the seat while I drove with my new driving license. We never enjoyed a beer together while grilling outside and he didn't walk me down the aisle to join me and my husband to be one.

So what makes today so special. Because it made me sit down and think about my father a little more today than I do everyday. Thank you Marlboro for making me realize how much I miss having my father here with me today, and everyday forward. I will always miss you dad, and I will never forget you.