The Circle of Life

I can remember every element of my old backyard. I can recall in detail the short corners on the edges of the sandbox and the see-saw my Dad made in the left hand corner of the yard. Then my favorite thing to the right, the swing set. I loved the way the sun hit my face when I reached the highest point and then how the bars would shade me when I would swing back. I would pump with my legs trying to reach higher and higher so my bum almost lifted off the seat just a little - that was a thrill for me. I could sit there for hours swinging back and forth and reflect on the important moments of my life. I would wonder what I would become - who I would become. Would I be the businesswoman in the tailored suit with my hair in a tight bun, glasses and a laptop married to my work? Would I be artistic girl with streaks of pink in my hair and cloths that made a statement with a bag hanging sideways s on my body, an eyebrow ring wearing Lot's of jewls? Would I be the Mom walking the baby in the stroller with a matching hat and scarf set on? Would my house have a farmers porch or would I live in the busy city and take a taxi or public transportation everywhere. Back then, my future seemed many dreams away but here I am 20 years later and I could never have imagined I would be here...

I am a piece of all the woman I imagined. I am married to my work in a sense because I believe a 55 hour work week justifies some sense of a serious relationship. Although I do not have a lot of piercings or streaks of pink in my hair I have a creative flare. I know how to make child's scribbles into a masterpiece. I love to play music and I in fact, have many hats and accessories that match. You will see me sporting them as I walk my dog not push my baby carriage, at least for now....I still love my backyard and spend a lot of time there. It is not like the backyard I enjoyed as a child. The pleasure of a swing set and sandbox have been replaced with an outdoor fireplace and a hammock. I still spend hours in my yard reflecting but not so much about my future. Now I reflect on the yesterday's and Today's and my rush to get to the tomorrows is so much less urgent than it was years ago on the swings. I know now who I am and although their is still so much I want to become my destiny is more clear.

I am a teacher, a soon to be wife and someday a Mother. My life has meaning. The way the sunlight hits the pine tree in my yard and the smell of the lilac bush in the corner will someday be faded memories jut like the slide and see saw of my old yard are now. In many years when I am hopefully admiring my grandchildren play in their sandbox or reflect on the swing set and I see my children's fate as clear to them as mine is today. I will close my eyes and feel the sun on my face as I appreciate the circle of life...